i really don't know what to do...

i've been crying since last night.. i feel helpless...

please be ok... for your sake, for our sake, for the rest of the group's sake..

i don't know if i can continue with this torture...

sounds: Snowflake by Park Hyo Shin (I'm Sorry I Love You OST)
translated lyrics:
Suddenly as I followed your growing shadow
I was walking with you inside darkness.

As we hold hands until whenever that might be
Just being together makes me cry.

As the wind becomes colder, winter comes closer.
Little by little, on this path, comes the season when I had to let you go.

As I watch the first snowflowers of this year right now,
In this moment that we share together, I want to give you my all.
Do you know of my heart?

I wasn't always so weak, I'm loving you like this but
that's all my heart can do.

If I was by your side, no matter what the task may be
I feel as if I can do it. I get that feeling.

When the wind rattles my window and even the dark night awakens,
I'll erase even all your painful memories.
With that bright smile.

With these white snowflowers falling endlessly,
The sidewalk that we are walking on glows with a bright light,
without even knowing that it's changed.

Have I lived on for someone else?
Wanting to do everything for them, I learned that that was love.

If by chance I knew where you were,
I would've become a star in the winter sky and shined on you.

Even on days when you laugh and sad nights that are damp with tears,
I'll be by yourside always, whenever that may be.

As I watch the first snowflowers of this year right now,
In this moment that we share together, I want to give you my all.
Do you know of my heart?

Don't cry, look at me.
All I want to do is be together with you by your side.
I won't let you go this time.

Inside the snowflowers that fill this path and shower on us endlessly,
little by little, small memories are being drawn inside our hearts
Forever by my side you are there.

*cries* ---translation credits to aheeyah.com

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yes, i want to see him smile again. not the fake smile he flashes everyone, telling them he's ok... I want to see the smile like when he showed off bambi to the rest of the world, that smile that brightens up his face.

i know that he must put up a brave front for the other guys, but he's human too. he can cry if he wants. i don't want him holding back the tears even though the pain is already too much to handle. he's always the strong leader, but leaders are also human. i'm just so glad that the rest of the guys are there to lend him their everything.

i've been crying ever since the moment i heard about the news. this is the second time i cried because of them. they've been so much a part of my life that it hurts to know that one of them is hurting and suffering, both physically and emotionally. what's most depressing about it is i can't do anything, i'm helpless..

God, please let him be ok...

sounds: Thank you for saving my life - covered by Tim

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UAAP feels pinch of La Salle's absence

By Jasmine W. Payo, Francis Ochoa
Inquirer
Last updated 05:32am (Mla time) 07/20/2006

Published on page A24 of the July 20, 2006 issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer

AT WHAT price does discipline come?

Whether the league admits it or not the University Athletics Association of the Philippines (UAAP) is feeling the pinch of De La Salle University's suspension, and most of it is coming from the cash registers.

Sponsors have backed out, venues have become smaller and live attendance is expected to shrink from last year.

According to an official from ABS-CBN Broadcasting Corp., the television network that doubles as the UAAP's marketing arm, approximately half of the league's top advertisers have pulled out this season. The percentage as to how much La Salle's absence has to do with it is even greater.

"Admittedly, there are less advertisers because the landscape is different," Jojo Garcia, ABS-CBN's customer development head for sports, told the Inquirer. "Some clients cited the absence of La Salle, but it's also more than that."

He did not elaborate on the La Salle factor, but Garcia said the game venues chosen this season -- Ninoy Aquino Stadium and Rizal Coliseum -- also had a hand in turning away some of the UAAP's top advertisers.

"Both the venues are smaller," noted Garcia. "For some clients, it's different compared to Araneta (Coliseum) in terms of prestige and accessibility."

Raised eyebrows

The timing of the switch to smaller venues also raised eyebrows. Last season, the UAAP played the bulk of its games at both the Blue Eagle gym of Ateneo de Manila University and the Araneta Coliseum. This year, with La Salle serving out its suspension for fielding ineligible players in its basketball team in the last three seasons, there will be less games at the Big Dome.

UAAP secretary general Bren Perez of host University of the East says the switch of venues was coincidental.

"The PSC (Philippine Sports Commission) offered us the venues, through chairman Butch Ramirez," said Perez. "They invited both the UAAP and the NCAA to make it the home of both leagues. And we considered it because they gave us discounts."

And the league needs discounts where it can take them.

Among the missing notable sponsors who usually plunk millions worth of advertising money to the league coffers are Globe Telecom, a heavy advertiser during the college basketball tournament, Nestlé Philippines and Samsung Electronics Philippines Corp.

"We lost our top three clients, but we're still negotiating with others," said Garcia. "It's a work in progress. We have to move forward."

Globe, whose president is La Salle product Gerry Ablaza, usually competes with Smart Communications for advertising spots during the basketball tournament.

Nestle's ice cream product, meanwhile, institutionalized the cheer dance competition, a regular fare highly anticipated by college basketball followers.

Other top advertisers who have pulled out their spots are Mentos, Milo, Polo and Close-Up.

"We're currently selling the cheer dance competition," added Garcia. "Yes, it will be next month, but we're in the process of negotiation."

No figures were given as to how much both the UAAP and ABS-CBN stand to lose this season, but the price could be substantial.

Absent rivalry

Further hurting the league's profits is the absence of the blockbuster games between arch rivals Ateneo and La Salle, who meet at least twice every season. For the television carrier and for the league, every game between both squads is an automatic cash cow, not just through ticket sales.

Last year, Ford launched a new car model at halftime during the first-round match between the two glamour squads.

"We get spot buys for Ateneo-La Salle games," said Garcia. "There are also spot buys for games featuring other teams. But we can command better rates, the premium rates, for Ateneo-La Salle games."

Although league observers see a decline in attendance rates with no Ateneo-La Salle rivalry to look forward to, host University of the East still noted the strong opening-day attendance, which nearly reached the 15,000 mark.

"As far as attendance and the crowd is concerned, we had no problems on opening day," said Perez.

But numbers can sometimes be deceiving, especially if only the opening day weekend is concerned. Already, the league will be playing with a depleted schedule -- La Salle's absence means 14 less games.

The fact that the Archers bring a full-house crowd and that the Blue-versus-Green rivalry never fails to pack playing venues means that a fat chunk of the attendance rates just got flushed down the drain this season.

But the UAAP is willing to weather the financial storm, if only to prove there's no price too steep to pay for discipline.

"We have just renewed a five-year contract with ABS-CBN and there will be good years and not so good years," said UAAP board representative Anton Montinola of Far Eastern University. "They've earned from the Ateneo-La Salle games in the past and this year may not be a good one. So it will just average out."

Besides, as Perez puts it, "the league is still doing okay, we're moving on. We're doing our best as host, and so far, we're having no problems."

La Salle made the bed by fielding two ineligible players for three seasons, including during its championship year in 2004. Unfortunately, it's the league that has to find ways to sleep through the night on it.

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I swear... being a fan-girl will be the death of me!

On Friday, some of my friends and I are going to Pasig to watch Jason film. And I'm like.. "Gawd! I'm not even a fan of the guy! Geez! If it weren't for Sam and 56 or 183 Club (make that the whole of JStar for that matter) I wouldn't be going all out."

But hey, it's been a while since my last "stalking" adventure. Around October last year... *thinks 183 Club*

Yay!!

sounds: Brand New - Shinhwa Vol.7 Brand New

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Okay, I received this SMS from Lolit telling me the conversation she had with Jason. Well, she was the only one talking to Jason while Ces and I looked on. *we couldn't understand what they were sating, save for a few Chinese words here and there* Err... somehow, it made me happy knowing that we had to go through hell just to err... basta.

Here's the text message:
"Btw, di ko nasabi sa inyo kahapon, I acknowledge pagod ni jason kahapon, then sabi niya "I'm fine, kayo nga diyan pagod sa kakahabol sa akin::"     
-Lolit Choa 18 July 2006, 11:26am

I am happy that he acknowledged that, even though he was quite suplado at the hotel earlier. Haha... I guess it's just because he's without his older 56 brothers. Gash.. Jason Hsu... if I did not love your older brother this much, I wouldn't have gone to stalk you!!

Anyway, he signed the albums Ces and Lolit bought. Err.. I wasn't able to bring the albums I have, hay.. since I was in a hurry and all. But still, it was a fun experience. Haha!! Now I'm waiting for our JStar Mag and Wan Yu moment. Gash.. it's my 2nd time to be on a Taiwanese mag and Taiwanese TV show *gulp*

I just pray that they don't show it on 24Oras...

sounds: One - Dong Bang Shin Ki (it's on loop) imagining Yunho hitting that high note in the bridge part *melts*

---

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I saw Jason Hsu earlier.

He's cute. 'nuff said

Oh, and we were able to have our pictures taken with him.. BUT we don't have it. The Jungiery Star worker has it. So I think we'll just have to wait for the JStar magazine to come out for us to see it. Hay...

I swear, being a fangirl will be the death of me.

But hey, it makes me happy...

---

Was listening to this song from the OST of Millionaire's First Love. It was a YoungWoong JaeJoong solo.. the title of the song is Insa... and I cried buckets of tears!! It was so sad!! Sadder than One? err... i don't know. But it's sooo sad  And all the while I was reading a sad DongBang fic... WTF?! I'm killing myself...

Now, I'm so depressed.

sounds: Insa - YoungWoong JaeJoong of DongBangShinKi

 

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PUTANGINA!!!!!!

FRIEND KO NA SI REKE PARK SA MYSPACE!!!

POTAH!!!

*dies*


sounds: Miracle - Super Junior

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a song by DongBangShinKi, used for their Vacation .. err... drama/movie

don't really like the song.. too dramatic and boyband-ish. not like their previous songs. aish.. lemme listen to it more...

Title: And...(Holding back the tears)
Crappy-Quickie Translation: mishi
HTTP://TVFXQWORLD.CJB.NET

Changmin_
the image became cloudy and white
to erase my scent, to separate from the radiance inside

Meke_
seeing the story slowly transfer to my heart
at the same time damaging, given the time in my hands

Chorus_ I'm holding back the tears

Junsu_
this heaviness is tied to my heart
i stand in another distant place, so i wont be close
i do this without crying

Yunho_
both hands come together once again
somewhere in a place where it can be heard
soon my memories will barely exist

Joongie_
its as if we're constantly together
i want to be free of this pain
to cut these tears that flow through my body

Chorus_ I'm living with my tears
this heaviness is bound to my heart
ill stand in another distant place, i wont be close

Junsu_
i do this without crying. as for me...

Chorus_ I'm holding back the tears
sdfsdfsfsdsdfidontgetacoupleofkanjisT__T something about slowly being able to trust again
ill stand in that other place
with a small smile...

Joongie_
i can smile...

see... wait. brb to comment. i'm in a hurry, ^^

sounds: One (LIVE!!) - DongBangShinKi Rising Sun Concert CD

 

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it's friday morning... tam's in malaysia.. and i'm here.. *sob*

all i can do is listen to their concert album. i can't help but cry...

they have come a loooooonnnnggg way... TT-TT I am so proud of them *tears*

i just love those guys to pieces.. <<<333

sounds: DongBangShinKi - Rising Sun Concert Album

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yes, i am sad...

i've been reading a lot of sad ficcies... and i'm affected.

yeah, seems pathetic, but.. aish!! i don't know. even ficcies with bittersweet endings made me shed a tear. and not only that, i just heard this 98 degrees song, "Hardest Thing", and I started tearing up!

Waaahh!! I hate being emotional like this.

sounds: Tim - Volume 3: Feelings

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